Get in here! You need to stop. You are embarrassing me! We are at church. You’re not supposed to do those things. Undo your buckle and pull your pants down. Now. I’ll do it! (Mommy’s tone changes from annoyed to soft and loving).
Oh my…you’re peepee is very hard. Well, I suppose mommy needs to help her baby during times like these. You look so handsome in your big boy suit today. Let mommy play with it. We can’t take too long because we need to get back before the sermon is over. This is what you needed, isn’t it. Doesn’t mommy’s warm hand feel nice on your peepee? You want mommy to go a little faster? I’m gonna put your weewee in my mouth now. I need to swallow your cummies so we don’t leave a mess in here. Just squirt it all in mommy’s mouth.
Okay baby you did great. Now pull up your pants. When we go back out there you will sit nicely on the pew until it’s over. Then we can go back home and make cookies and watch cartoons.